When I got to Chennai is was hard for me to see what my purpose is, meaning to say I didn’t feel like I belong. Somehow disconnected with the reality here. Maybe as I was feeling lost in this little busy dirty city or maybe I wanted to be more in a village area to start some projects soon, I couldn’t be sure.
Maybe the Nepal earthquake took so much out of me that it was hard getting into another disaster area. My mind was not at peace here.
Soon after I started seeing some local villages, I felt a little more at home, still trying to find a purpose. It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve being going around Chennai, seeing very little of what I expected. Also feeling not so productive with things that I wished to do.
The floods were not long ago, the destruction of some kind can still be seen in some areas, but it’s hidden from me. Hidden from my views as I try to find my way around. I feel alone here, I feel blind.
I met this lady at a slum area here, she lost her house like any other flood victim. She sits here by the door step, the only thing that’s still standing. With a tarp around her collapsed walls. I didn’t say much to her but I just looked at her sitting there. Somehow she knew I was there for a reason too. I felt sorry but I was numb to any other feelings.
In my head there was a thought, “I’ve seen worse.”
It was an honest moment for me when I took this picture. I know it was wrong for me to feel this way, but I had to be honest with myself, I had to find my connection to all this. I know they need help, I know she lost her home and it’s hard, I know. I also know how I felt when I’m in this type of areas.
I know my presents there is important. But somehow today I am numb to it. There is no wrong or right to me. Just what the reality is to me at that moment.
My eyes, my mind and my soul has seen so much in this last three years traveling in disaster zones, I’ve heard many hard tales, I’ve been close to families like this for many years now, I’ve lived among them, I’ve cried with them, I’ve slept in their homes and I’ve help as much as I can.
I’ve been human to them. With that comes my weaknesses too. I am weak today as I feel lost. But I know this is all part of my journey. So I let myself be lost for now. As I may find myself in a reality which comes to me as my truth.
My truth in Chennai
